There will be
no charges over a 'mystery' medical package delivered to Sir Bradley Wiggins at
the Criterium du Dauphine in 2011, says UK Anti-Doping (UKAD), following an
investigation into wrongdoing at British Cycling and Team Sky which revealed
that the 2013 Tour de France winner was definitely not a drug cheat but merely
a loveable rogue.
In a poll run by UKAD on social media, cycling fans nationwide voted overwhelmingly in favour of Wiggins being officially recognised as a ‘top bloke’ in the Queen’s New Year’s honours list and the whole sordid affair being swept under the carpet.
“Look, Wiggo is a national hero” a UKAD spokesperson was quoted as saying. “He’s got the sideburns, he wears leather jackets, he listens to 80s prog rock. He rang an absolutely enormous bell at the Olympic opening ceremony, for goodness' sake. That was sick. He’s just such a quintessential British cheeky chappy, we couldn’t possibly punish him for what is essentially some classic high jinks involving a cardboard box and some fluimucil."
“Of course, if it had been that traitorous Kenyan Chris Froome we’d have chucked him straight in prison, no questions asked", the spokesperson added.
In a poll run by UKAD on social media, cycling fans nationwide voted overwhelmingly in favour of Wiggins being officially recognised as a ‘top bloke’ in the Queen’s New Year’s honours list and the whole sordid affair being swept under the carpet.
“Look, Wiggo is a national hero” a UKAD spokesperson was quoted as saying. “He’s got the sideburns, he wears leather jackets, he listens to 80s prog rock. He rang an absolutely enormous bell at the Olympic opening ceremony, for goodness' sake. That was sick. He’s just such a quintessential British cheeky chappy, we couldn’t possibly punish him for what is essentially some classic high jinks involving a cardboard box and some fluimucil."
“Of course, if it had been that traitorous Kenyan Chris Froome we’d have chucked him straight in prison, no questions asked", the spokesperson added.
Sir Bradley
Wiggins: a bit of a rascal but 100% definitely maybe nothing more sinister
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